Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Don't Make Me Be a Jerk ; )

o the good news: you get to read a new story, and hopefully you’ll enjoy it.  It’s one of the longest stories I’ve sold to date (7,000 words), longer than the average People Weekly article, so you may or not be able to read it in a single sitting if you get my drift.  But here’s the bad news: you really need to buy an e-book version for your Kindle or other reader, or preorder a softcover physical book. 

How many of you have read “Quitters Incorporated” by Stephen King (Nightshift) or “The Monkey’s Paw”? 

Well, here’s the deal.  It’s a tough, heartless world out there for genre writers and independent publishers like Apex Books and their Zombie Feed imprint.  Quality is high (I’m talking about the people they’ve published to date, not me) but it’s an uphill battle to win new readers and make ends meet.  So drastic measures are sometimes justified.

So come one, man, spit it out – yes, yes I will.  It’s just hard, OK?  Like holding a cocked gun on a basket of kittens.

I need all of my friends, family and readers to really consider buying a copy.  If you like what you read, maybe drop a brief review on Amazon for the book?

For everyone who does, I am going to insert you by name as a character right into a new story, novella or novel (and there are plenty under construction in the factory).  I’m offering a small slice of immortality here, people.  Your name in print.  You’ll recall it made Steve Martin pretty damned excited when the phone books were delivered in “The Jerk.”

So what happens if you don’t buy a copy? (And we have our ways of knowing, bwa-haa-haa.)

Well, I’ll put you in a story or novel anyway.  Sure.  But this time I will be forced to make you an evil, reprehensible character.  Probably someone who molests hamsters or steals elderly people’s Social Security checks or never puts the toilet seat down.  Maybe never flushes.  Your name and physical description, natch.

I know, I know, that’s terrible.  Worse than anything Dr. Doom (or Dr. Horrible) has served up.

Sigh.  Please, people, help me here.

Love, Simon

P.S. – Here’s how to buy the e-book today or preorder the physical book; if you order the softcover you get a signed copy.  Bless you all.

The print version is a couple weeks away, but the digital versions are complete and ready for purchase.

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